I Spend too Much Time with my Head in the Clouds.

It's Christmas Eve.

I'm on here.

Looking at pointless stuff.

I want this house...

Way Down in Cocomo.

Today is Tuesday December 23rd, two days before Christmas.
Today is the day we got out of school for break, two days before Christmas...
Ridiculous? Yes.
Oh, well. I'm thankful that this day has finally arrived and that there is a slight chance there may be a white Christmas this year.
I really don't think I've ever experienced a truly white Christmas before... It sounds too perfect almost.
But Christmas is perfect, almost.
Right now everything just feels strange though.
I went upstairs and the only lights on were the ones I plugged in for the Christmas tree.
My mom's car was here, but no mom.
I didn't really look though...
Everything is dark and still.
Our garage door was open so it was freezing in my kitchen and the tile felt like blocks of ice.
Ugh.
Today was so pointless, I wish we could have stayed home.
Oh, well.
(Again)
It's not always good to get what you want...
I really have no direction with this post.
Hmm...

I miss everyone already. I'm not going to see that many people over break since I'm going to Ohio. It's going to be bittersweet though.

Hopefully I get to go to Brooke's tonight and hang out with those girls, cause I definitely love them to death. But we have family coming in... blah.

Okay, enough.
I'm going to make hot chocolate and watch Gilmore Girls.

Hooray.

Bah humbug.

There are quite a few conclusions I've came to in the last 24 hours:

1. Lying is really, really, really stupid. There is no point. You will be found out one way or another. Right now the only thing it's doing is tearing apart close friends. Not cool.

2. I love this month, but it is so stressful. It flies by so quickly it's hard to find a day to relax.

3. Sometimes I just need a girls night. I really love just talking and letting all the thoughts pour out, especially around people that won't judge me. Also, I enjoy getting butt loads of ice cream. Blockbuster is nice too.

4. Not thinking is one the hardest things to do.

5. Round three is the greatest, ever. (:

6. Wow. I'm old.

7. Life is coming at me so quickly and I can vividly remember times that I just wish I was old enough to drive, to get out of high school, to start my life. But that time seems to be starting now.

8. Writing is medicine.

9. I want to discover so much more. I want to better myself and become someone I never thought I could be. Not just for me... but for the world. Too large of a scale? Possibly.

10. My soul is content. I like it. I feel that everlasting joy that I threw away a while ago.

11. I just love my friends so very, very much. Those words have so much depth to me, I'm really not just saying it. It's just killing me that there is a wall, a segregation that is being formed amongst some. It's just so... middle school. It's aggravating. Especially since we're seen as leaders to those just a few years younger than us and what we do now concerning how we treat each other is going to rub off on those who see as role models. Then ever more dissension is stirred up... We just need to strive to be mature men and women of God; not letting our selfishness and pride get in the way of all we were made to be.

12. Everything is going to work out in the end. Promise.

13. Grady is a good lookin' fellow.

djkfhsjkd!

Today is Friday.
The second most glorious day of the week.
And I'm going to a crowded mall...
Yay?
Actually, I'm happy.
I don't really want to do anything.
This is going to be another pointless blog.
(hooray)

Ah. I want to get this place I call home renovated.
I see so many cute things...

Something old, Something new.

Our Groom is coming.

Look, ma, I got a tat.

This is Hebrew.
It means: hunt, capture, catch, captivate.

When I am eighteen, this is going on my neck.

A Walk.

The day is fading and night is closing us in,
the darkness is so bitter, yet somehow it lures me to stray...
I loosen my grip, releasing the warmth of your hand from mine.
Distressed You watch my silhouette fade into the shadows,
but they cannot come near You for you are only light.
My heart has no control, the pitch black consumes it.
My soul is filled with fear, searching every corner for some light,
but the only light I ever knew was rested in Your hand that I held no more.
I cry out for You, screaming for safety.
No answer came.

I begin digging and clawing only to feel the pain rebirth itself.
There is nothing but emptiness and the more I try to find, the more I feel lost.
The void grows deeper with every second I am not with You.
I just can't be with You for You are for too great for this piece of shame.

So I begin to run.
Hard and heavy like the beat inside my chest.
Somewhere I will find a peace, if only I keep searching.
You are far too great.
I am far too unworthy.

Suddenly I feel a hand reach out to mine.
I grab it relieved that I found something in the emptiness.
It's clasp is frigged and rough, unlike Your touch my heart has been craving.
Yet I hold on.
A deep, eerie voice whispers in my ear, seducing me walk with it.

So I walk.
Hand in hand with a new lover.
My heart can feel again, but only when the voice tells me I am his.
Where am I now?
A place that I deserve.

Something deep inside of me wants to feel Your embrace again,
but I know that may never happen; it couldn't ever happen.
Why did I leave You, my love?
Beloved why did I let go?
You have done nothing but love and care for my vulnerable soul.

My heart cannot stand the layer of rock that has surrounded every inch,
I want to break loose from this grip but mutiny would be death.
Maybe I should die for I without You I could never live again.

Suddenly I see light falling in front of my face.
Speckles of bright dust are consuming this empty place.
I feel the hand torn away and a peace inside me start to fill,
the last time I felt like this was when You held me still.
The light is filling ever crack that I had never seen before,
could it be You, oh my love, have You came once more?

My heart begins to race, I feel Your alluring spirit.
Come to me my most gracious One and fill me with Your presence.
I've longed to feel Your romance that I left in my ignorance.

Why would You come to save me, my love?
Why did You make me wait?
Why hadn't You stopped me, when You knew my inevitable fate?

Your love I could never replace or desire anything more.
Even though I walked away, You pulled me back to shore.




This is about Jesus, by the way.
Definitely not Shakespearean.
I don't really think that matters too much to Him anyways...
(:

Everything Comes Together.

Music.
One of God's most splendid creations.
That is what my day was filled with and I just can't turn it off.

I wish there was one day in the year where we could only communicate through music and lyrics...
How much more beautiful would expressing yourself become?

Ahh...

In other news...
It's suppose to snow/ice.
Oh, how I want it to.
My dad wants me to fill out college applications if we don't have school.
Scary.

I'm growing up...
My future is about to be my present.
I hope I can handle it.

Alright, Alright. Slow down.

Chapped lips.

I hate frigged weather.

Another night, I have a ton of homework, along with having to do other things and catch up with this and that.
It's just too much.
Oh, well.
Life is so great... I just wish it would slow down so I could soak up every moment.

Blah.

Just thought I would update.
That's about it?

Birthday shindig tomorrow, I'm excited.

Oh.. and I want to live in the 80's.

I love my mommy.

My role model,
My cheerleader,
My friend,
My mom.

She's just amazing.

That is all.

Eukaryotes and Home-made Salsa.

I just got done studying for my biology test tomorrow.. great, eh?
I'm overwhelmed.
On top of that I feel like my stomach is going to burst; I ate too much chips and salsa.
Everything is a mess in my "room" or whatever you call it.
I feel like everything is out of place and I just can't seem to focus.
Except for right now.
I can get all my thoughts out and clear. These are my favorite times.
The best times to spend time with Jesus and meditate on His word.
At the same time I really want to get up and start singing with the song playing on my iTunes, but that might wake up the folks.
I can't wait to get out on my own, explore the world a little.
Then get married. Oh, man. I can't wait to get married.
That's a topic for a different time.
I think what I'm trying to get at here is that even through all the chaos that seems to be surrounding me, I feel a joy inside of me that I had lost.
It could possibly be my favorite fruit of the spirit, maybe next to love.
Joy > Happiness.
I can feel it, even when the crud that goes on all around me wants to rip me to shreds.

I'm addicted, I'm needy, I'm lost without you.
As Aaron Gillespie put it so bluntly.

Amazing grace.