when it rains, it pours.

today my mind has been racing like crazy.
i've just been thinking about so many things...

1. i can't wait to get married.
i know that sounds freaky and weird for me to be thinking that when i have quite a few years before i should even be considering such a thing.
but i can't help but think about it...
finding that one person that you love more than anyone else in the world is the closest we're going to get to understanding God's love for us.
and thats just one drop in the bucket of how much He really loves us.
call me crazy... but i just can't wait.
living with my best friend, all the stinkin time.
yea, i really can't wait.

2. wow. i don't know what to call it.
i guess God has just been giving me signs or pictures lately.
i was sitting at a stop light yesterday and i was at the very front of the row of cars,
and i just stared at the cars passing in front of me.
they were all so different and ever person in them had something going on in their mind.
there were things on their mind that were killing them,
they were stressing,
they were in pain somehow.
i feel like i was looking into their souls for just a glimpse and there was just this eerie feeling that overtook me.
our world is in so much pain...

then i was driving some more that day.
it began to rain, but the sun was still out and it was still bright.
i would end up driving to an area where it wasn't raining, then an area where it was.
i feel like God was trying to tell me something then too.
that i just can't figure out though.
maybe He was saying that even though you go through times where its "raining" in your life, there are always times when you don't.
and all the time you go through these times He's still there shining.

i just don't know though....

then i had another dream about storms this morning.
i don't want a storm to come my way :/
i feel like i just got out of one.

3. people.
how can people change what they believe so quickly?
lose hold of it?
ugh. it drives me crazy.
if you experience something you can't deny it.
so why do you drop it like its hot?
everything you built up is just gone... something they stood for and believe in is just nothing.
i don't freakin get it.

4. happiness vs joy.
i'm not sure if i've hit a new level of joy in my life or if this is just temporary happiness.
whatever it is... i feel good.
i think that i've become a stronger person and i'm learning from my mistakes.
i'm making slight changes in my life and i think they're paying off.
maybe God is just giving me more joy... cause it just feels like its something deeper.
ahh... i love my God.
i have no idea what the crud He's doing half the time, but i love it.
weird? nahh...

there is a lot more on my mind,
but that just sums it up.

now i'm going to read,
fall alseep,
and go to church in the morning.

i love weekends.
(:

hello?
i'm still here.
i can see you, but you just refuse to look at me.

life is so great right now.
today i had a really good day,
me and lindsey hung out... and we got in a lot of much needed girl talk.
last night was amazingly great too.
for sooo many reasons.
i'm just excited to be living.
and i love this feeling.
i'm happy.
even better,
i have a whole lot of joy.
everything is so beautiful.

:D

people are dying.
people are compromising their faith.
people are scared.
people are making it "acceptable."
people will fail you...

including myself.

thank goodness i have someone who won't fail me.

I feel like crap.
I want to hide under a rock.
So many things are happening at once and I just can't get a hold of anything.

But God's there,
holding my hand.
...so its going to be okay.

Eventually.

I have an english project that I practically forgot all about,
which i have to do.
I'm going to be up late...
School bothers me. It just gets in the way of everything I have to do.
Bllllah...
Okay, enough complaining.
Today was suppose to be our first tennis match, but it got rained out, which was okay with me because I got to do cartwheels and hop around in the rain.
Then I went to Hobby Lobby before taking my dear Coco home.
Now I am sitting here telling myself I need to get started with the project.
But where do I start?
Starting is the hardest part of anything.

I love music. It captures my heart.

I always talk about how I want to change to really happen in my life. How I need something much deeper that just picks at my soul until I can't stand it anymore. I don't think I've realized how quickly God has answered my prayer.
Lately, I just feel like everything is absolutely pointless, except for one thing: living for my Savior.
I've always believed that and I've always tried to apply that to my life, but now, its more than just believing and applying. If thats even possible? Maybe its just that I believe it even more and I have a greater desire to apply it to my life.
But, everything has just lost its value to me.
Things I thought were important just don't even matter.
Things that "entertained" me and brought earthly happiness to my life, just don't even matter.
I've become so incredibly sick of this world, but I know that I'm here for a reason, and I have to make every minute count.
There is this desire in my soul that I can't really control or even understand.
Its there... its nagging. Maybe its just the Holy Spirit trying to really just mess me up... and that makes me excited. (:
I'm really excited.
This world is about to explode.