Ho Ho Holy Crap This Year Is Almost OVER!

Times passes by quite quickly. It feels like the beginning of December was only a few days ago and that Summer ended only a few weeks ago. Not it's Christmas and a new year is going to begin, kind of a big year for me. I'm graduating. Wow.

It's all happening so fast...

I need to take a deep breath.

Star Wars. That's all I'm gonna think about right now.

I made something...

Oh Happy Day!

Today my Macbook arrived, but unfortunately the delivery guy was not attractive as I hoped. Oh well.

Now I'm watching star wars and eating chemically engineered pizza.

Life is good.

Oh la la la.

I have spent the last few hours looking at recipes online and listening to Christmas music, which is great, but it took so long because of the DANG SLOW COMPUTER. Rawr.
Oh well, now I shall go revise my English paper, then go to bed. I've been a lazy kid today. Which is dumb of me because I have a "to-do" list that just increases in size. Oh bother, I really need some energy and motivation. Along with some coffee.
I hate how I have ideas but no motion to them. I'm pretty sure that's almost a sin... crap.

What am I thankful for?

I'm thankful for people who love me even though I can be a real bum sometimes.

Also, I am very thankful for chocolate...and coffee. Oh, and sleep.

Every time I think something good is going to happen,

Something screws up and I end up screwed over.

I want to cry.

I'm a girl,

And I want romance.
Not just a dozen red roses, romance that doesn't just come from the opposite sex. I want to be able to see the beauty in everything and constantly be captivated. I believe it's possible...hopefully.
I'm just sick of my heart constantly being tormented with the vulgar of this world, it can become so disheartening. Where did beauty go?
It's here, we just choose to cover it. What a shame.

Everything that I've started to write just sounds completely stupid to me. So, instead I shall choose to share lyrics from and incredible band know as mewithoutyou.

Every thought a Thought of You
No more thought, I ought to do...
When there ain't a thing we see
Or touch we trust is true
Every thought a thought of You

Every look in search of You
No need for book when we're with You
You wear a thin disguise,
O, Light within my Brother's eyes!
Every look in search of You

Every song in praise of You
Our darkest nights are days to You
The Trees raise branches high
Like arms in church to grateful Sky,
Every song in praise of You

No one here to believe but You
Everyone else is bound to leave but You
When they swear, their love is real, they mean
I like the way you make me feel
No one here to believe but You
There is no one here to believe but You

Kul-anaya fikr minh ka
Abadan ahatmam enna ajab
Hayya'alal falal qad qamadis alah
Haqq: la illaha il Allah

You know what I hate?

Waiting. I just really, really despise it. Especially when you know you're ready but something, or in this case someone, is making you wait. Simply because they choose not to understand something you are spelling out clearly to them. Hateful.
It just becomes an emotional killer after awhile.
Yet, I set myself up for this pain again and again and again. I really don't know why... Maybe because I see what a beautiful picture it could be if a few details were added and couple mistakes erased. This makes no sense.
I don't want you to hurt me anymore, but I really don't know if I could take it if you weren't there anymore. Please just listen to me... I miss you.

You're the flame,

and I'm the candle.

School, school, school. Shoot me. Just one more wonderful year left and I'm free of high school forever. Thank the Lord!
That's all. Hah?

Today I took some pictures,

This is what I love about summer, the fact that it's near 3 am and I'm not ready to lay my head on that incredibly soft pillow. Very tempting though.
Today was one of those full, yet fulfilling days. I love that feeling of accomplishment before you fall asleep at night. And I did something nice for my mom which wasn't intentionally meant for her, but now I realize that it was more than appreciated, but needed. It is now my mission to do something helpful every day that I live in this house because I'm starting to believe more and more that my parents deserve it.
Anyway,
I need to sleep. So, here I go, first attempt...

We're on part three of a mini series,

Summer is almost over,
and I feel as though I have not came slightly near my checklist.
Now so many more ideas are pouring into my brain.
Why can't this just last a little longer?

Rewind. Erase. Rerecord.

Admit it,

I never mattered to you anyway.

I love you all the way from your head to your toes,

Tip me over,

and pour me out.

The times when you fail are the times where you experience His strength so intensely.

I love you Lord,
Help me lift my voice,
To give you the worship that you deserve.

I want to be courageous,

but it hurts too much.

Because everyone is looking for love,

But love won't be found in all the solutions we try to create.

It's easiest to escape love by running,
but eventually you'll lose your breath.

Love will carry some pain along with it, but that's what makes it... love.

It can hurt and it can be hard.
Sometimes you want to just keep running and forget it was ever there in the first place.
Ignore everything you've ever known before,
because sometimes good memories are the hardest to think about.

It's hard to love when you've betrayed someone.

I can't write,
I can't think,
I can't get myself together.

Yo Ho Ho?

I want to get out of here,
but separation would hurt too much

I'll hold on to my life jacket,
cause then I know it's safe

But if I swim with you,
maybe we'll find that sunken ship

I ate an incredibly good banana nut muffin this morning on the way to school. It was very moist :)




So today is April Fools and I haven't came up with any awesome foolings to do to people. Well, I did think of one but I don't think it's going to work out today. People have been trying to fool me though, but I was on top of my game. Melissa is not moving away. Ha...





Tonight is church and I get to play a game show contestant as part of the drama/skit thing we're doing for One Night.





Well, this is all the exciting news I have so far.





I want these shoes...

(Erika from Blommafinds)

I think I love interior design more and more every day we have it. It has definitely become one of my most beneficial classes this year.
I've sat in the computer lab these past few days.
Ha. Hahahaha.

Anyways...

Spring break is over, which means guard is also over, which means I have a lot more time on my hands.
I'm okay with that.
Today I plan to clean out my car which I haven't done in way too long. I'm scared.
Then I might take a nap. Or draw a picture. Or cook a three course meal.
It all sounds lovely :)

In other news... OneNight!!
Yeah, buddy. I'm really excited.
Our talk about it at small groups last night made me really pumped for it. Now all I have to do is ask people to come. No problem, right? It shouldn't be... and it really isn't.
So if you're reading this... come to one night.

http://www.studentsfusion.org/Students/One_Night_Homepage.html

Boo

I've came to the conclusion that the things I choose to write about on here are incredibly stupid.

Absolutely drained,

I'm so tired and worn out that I can barely stand it.
But I want to stay on for a little bit longer so I can talk to my dad on facebook... Glorious technology.
I contemplated discussing some awe inspiring edifices, but decided against it for the night.

:)

Allison is growing up;

I'm sitting in a computer lab, free to do whatever I want, and I choose to look up colleges.
Goodness.
It's coming so soon.
Almost too soon....
In a little over a year from now I'm going to be wearing a cap and gown praying I don't trup over myself as I recieve my diploma.
AHHH!
I don't know what to do...
Where am I going?
What am I majoring in?
Live at home or in dorms?
Financial Aid?
ACT?!?!?! (I'm taking that in a few weeks)

I'll survive.

It's just scary.

Oh, goodness

Today went from good, to great, to crud, to pretty amazing.
So what if we didn't kick their butts?
They didn't even come close to blowing us out of the competition and we have so much potential still in us.

Grady cheers me up :)

Time to go to sleep... soon.

I want to make some Friendship Bread,

and I would most certainly share it with everyone!
:)

So, I am sitting in this little computer lab in between these two classrooms.
School is so beneficial to me.
Thus far I have fallen asleep in history because we were watching a movie and up until a few minutes ago I was reading a book while we did absolutely nothing in my interior design class.
Oh, joy.
I am so glad I got up at 7:00 am to come and make my life better at this marvelous educational facility.

Okay, not really.

Actually it's really not that bad.

Life is good,
God is good,
everything is just pretty dang good.

I need to find a better word for "good"

Blllarh, bell is about to ring.

:)

My inspiration;

I wish I could sound near as eloquent as As Cities Burn does...

You're worth more than those pictures you put on the internet,
You're worth more than food you purge,
You're worth more than how he looks at you,
You're worth more than a street corner,
You're worth more than the cover of magazine,
You're worth more than the world's definition of womanhood,
You're worth more than profanity,
You're breath taking, priceless and worth authentic love.

Zippity Doo Dah

I'm aware of these imperfections,
and I'm proud to call them my own.

Amazing, strange, phenomenal how situations play out.
How just a few words and insight that you've never looked into before can change the way you think... and how you feel.

My emotions are hard to deal with and bring to the surface,
but lately God has been teaching me how to let them break loose.

:)

Sick of Settling

I'm really tired of people, yet I really love spending time with my friends.
Maybe I'm just tired of people that I just can't relate and find value in things that I find petty.
That I do not know.

I'm also very tired... of being tired.

The summer is all I look forward to right now... just having time to not do anything at all.

I'm so lame. This post isn't very exciting.

Bllllah.

I wish I was great... like really, really great at something.

Oh, well.

:)

That's Attractive

I love my friends :)
Especially the ones that will always let their personality live no matter how they're feeling.
I wish I was an interesting person...

Oh, well.

Chris, thank you for singing Happy Birthday to us in your very nice Italian voice.
You make Macaroni Grill worth going to.

Searching, Seeking, Standing Still.

I haven't updated in a long ole time.

Currently I have such a large amount of thoughts floating around in my head, but for some reason I'm at a loss for words.
Strange how that happens.
I think your brain subconsciously regulates what part of your heart you wish to share.
Cause you can train your brain, right?
Does it not react to habit?
They say that it takes 30 days to train your brain to make something become a habit.
Would the way you process thoughts be a part of that equation?
Maybe... just maybe.

I like living, it feels good.

Allison is...

Cold,
Tired,
Anti-Social,
Tired,
Wanting,
Waiting,
Impatient,
Angry,
Has stinky breath,
And doesn't want to wake up in the morning.

Oh...

I really don't understand all of this.

Maybe my look on life is just so freakishly different from everyone else, but I still just can't comprehend this...

If you love God and claim that you do, then why does there seem to be need for hate... (the complete opposite of what God is)?

I don't want to get involved one bit, so please don't take it as that.

I will be the first to admit that I'm not any better than anyone else or that I'm a "better Christian" who has all the answers, always doing the right thing.
No, not at all.
There are many times I have slipped up... many.
Surely there will be many, many more times.

That's all I'm going to say, because obviously I have no idea what I'm talking about :)

I love you all, truly.

Joy;

–noun

1.	the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation.

Something I have not truly experienced in what feel like years.

Until this very day.... Thank you Lord.

You know what I realized?
We has humans have the habit of telling someone "I love you, even though you treat me like crud sometimes."
But God looks at us and says "I love you."
That's all, those three words that mean so much more than just face value.
So deep, so enduring, so intricate.

Stop

Leave her alone...

Running in circles,

since we can't walk in a straight line.

People change everyday; no one ever stays the same.
Personalities die while new ones blossom.

That's life...
and I love it.

I'm sad

Even after a very fun night,
poo.

Expression

Thank You Lord

Well for once SPS didn't let me down :)
I've really needed a day to rest and catch up on a lot of things...
And I'm giving thanks to Jesus for giving me the opportunity.
Right now I'm going to go take a shower and wait for Lesley to get here...

:)

I'll probably go a picture takin' here in a bit....

Getting Up for a Letdown?

I hate watching the weather, it makes me too hopeful.
They say that we have a likely chance of having another ice storm which leads, of course, to no school.
The weather people really like to toy with me.
Who wants to bet that we have school tomorrow?
Which is going to be a million times more intolerable tomorrow because it will be a mess outside.
Oh, well.
If we don't have school, I definitely know how I'm going to spend my day.
Sleeping, reading, watching movies, and organizing my closet.
Sounds great to me :)

No, Thanks.

Hooray for congestion.
I am so completely lazy, but I'm tending not to care about that today.
Usually I get angry with myself for completely wasting time... Guess it's just not one of those days.
I want this semester to go by extremely fast so I can be that much closer to graduation.
At the same time I'm so tired of thinking that my life is going to start as soon as I have a diploma in my hand.... It should start now.
Yes, that sounds right.
Time to go to guard?
I believe so.

STRESS!

I hate being sick,
and I hate stress...

So how come my day wasn't a complete disaster?

Jesus.

I got my Fine Arts picture picked out and it's ready to be sent in.

Thank you Jesus for the perfect day for taking pictures and nice ladies at the Wal-Mart Photo place.

Planes and Perfection.

My father goes to my birth country tomorrow.
Oh, how I wish I could go with him just for this one time.... but I can't.
I miss Africa and I tend to miss it almost with resentment every time I see pictures of it or just hear people talking about the continent.
It's my continent. It's my home. I would have never said that a few years ago.
I hated it, I hated everything about living there for the longest times.
Because I was alone in a world where I felt misplaced, that's only because I hated God for putting me there so I backed away and made myself isolated.
That's a story for another time though...
Now I want with all my heart and soul to have another chance.
I was so stagnate when I lived there that I never got to breathe or take anything in.
I was just too ashamed to even try to open my heart up, because I had had it torn apart.
Now I miss it. I miss it so much.
Someday though, I will go back, hopefully in a more permanent position than just a trip.

Anyways,

In other news.
I'm not perfect and I can be a complete hypocrite sometimes. The sad thing is that I don't even realize it sometimes.
I could go on about this, but that seems a tad pity partyish, doesn't it?

Ahhhh...

I'm going to go drink something healthy and read some more.

Sunsets and Surprise Parties.

We gave Grady a surprise birthday party at Andrew's house and it was quite the time.
Dollar General has some pretty nifty little nick nacks that worked out very nicely for his presents.
Then we had to Baby Powder the tarp... it was one of the strangest things I've ever done, but sliding around on it was enjoyable.
Now I'm signing up for the ACT (shoot me) and then going to cuddle up and read.
I haven't done that all weekend.
Oh, but this weekend was really great.
I'm so worn out, but I really loved it all...
Tomorrow I get to make a scrap book page for Stephanie... I'm really going to miss her a lot. :(
Things change, but I know it's all for the best.

Benches and Birdhouses

It is so beautiful outside... almost too beautiful for a day in January.

Swirling

I don't know about Fine Arts... whether or not to do photography?
I really don't know all that I want to do, but I only have a few days, so I need to get myself together....

Right now, on this Saturday night, I have the house to myself and I watched a couple movies, now I'm listening to music, later I am going to organize my closet.
It all sounds pretty perfect since I haven't had a night like this in a long time.
I think I'm going to watch Becoming Jane here in a little bit.
I feel so relaxed and peaceful at the moment.
Oh, I really enjoy music. A lot.

:(

I'M SO TIRED.

It's Coming Around Again

Well, today was another day.
Like every other day.
Monotonous.

I'm getting sick of it...

But how can I change the path I've molded myself into?
It's not like I don't love every joyous moment that God blesses me with from day to day, I just don't like how I'm staying in one place.
It's not only me though, it's everyone around me that does the same thing too.
Life feels like a huge cycle with trends, money, war, hate, love.
Everything repeats itself.

All over the Bible, there are stories of different events but have the same purpose and meaning.
Exile after exile.
Did God truly intend our life to be one of monotony?
I truly believe He did not.

Humans just don't like the feeling of being uncomfortable and taking a step out of the cycle.
There are those that do, but then everyone else begins to follow that person and a new circle begins.

A world of circles.

Hmm.

Anyways... I feel like trying something different. Not by skydiving or building a house of marshmallows, but somehow slightly altering the way I let my day go.
I don't want to change myself or my personality, just the way I look at things or treat people.
Something.
So I think I'm going to pray that God will give me a daily lifestyle change.
Definitely not for me, but for Him because I am completely comfortable in my own little woven box.

I need a better, God-like perspective on everything. On school, on friendships, on listening to my parents, on being submissive, on doing what I don't want to do, on everything I face in life.

Just Thinking?

Do you ever have so many thoughts in your head, but you just don't know how to get them into words?
That's me.
Right now.
Right here.
I want to be able to rip apart and explore every single thought in my head, but I just can't.
There's too much in there.

Ugh.